Server Op Montiors For Dirty Words
Earlier this week, famed server admin Ronin announced that
he would begin a rigorous campaign against the use of profane
language in Counter-Strike. The game, he says, has been
hampered by people who scream and yell inappropriate messages
to other players.
"I can't believe people would [expletive] curse in this
[expletive] game. I mean, what the [expletive]? If you've got
something [expletive] productive to [expletive] say to
someone, get off your ass and [expletive] go to their house
and [expletive] tell them yourself, you [expletive]
moron!"
The punishment for offenders, Ronin explained, will be
harsh. Violators of the cursing ban will find themselves
equipped with only a Glock, will have the bomb every round on
de_ maps, and will be the VIP every round on as_ maps.
"I'm tired of this [expletive] cursing, damnit."
CS Player Takes a Break, Plays Minesweeper
Avid Counter-Strike player Dylix finally took a break from
his usual 14-hour CS marathon to play Windows Minesweeper. His
father claimed the change of pace was from his "fingers
hurting" and that he "needs a break" from the constant
killing.
After logging over 9 hours straight on the Domain of Pain
server, Dylix exited Counter-Strike and returned to his
desktop. "I just sat there for a while, phased at what just
happened...then for some reason I went to the
Accessories/Games folder and clicked on that cute little
Minesweeper icon."
When asked if he would return to Counter-Strike or not, a
triumphant Dylix exclaimed, "SCREW CS, DUDE! I beat the
Beginner level in 13 seconds! I think I'm going for the
Intermediate level after I take a quick trip to the
potty." |
New CS Music Announced
Napster users and MP3 fans alike converged together today
to protest a recently-released Counter-Strike tune on Napster
called "Taking Fire." Counter-Strike team member cliffe is
also considering legal action against Napster, the distributor
of the so-called "song."
 "I was
just, you know, trying to download as much as I could from
Napster before it shut down and I came across this cool
looking mp3 filename," reports Suicide, a member of Clan
Killers 3. "So I downloaded it, and went to make some Hot
Pockets."
"So I got back and Napster reported that
'CS-Taking_Fire.mp3' was done. I opened it," Suicide sobbed,
"It [expletive] sucked. It's just a bunch of radio messages."
Sources close to CSNE report that the file in question
contains the following lyrics repeated over 50 times:
Taking Fi--
Taking Fi--
Taking
Fi--
Taking Fire Need
Assistance.
Ene-
Ene-
Ene-
Enemy Down.
"Yes, I will be taking legal action against Napster," said
Jess Cliffe of the Counter-Strike team, who did the radio
messages. "Frankly, it's a bastardization of my work, and I
won't stand for it. By the way, did you check out cs.net?
olololol I said assblaster on it!"
It is unknown who produces the mp3, but CSNE has learned
that the sequel, entitled 'Need Backup', will be released on
mp3.com. |
suicide
- "Yeah man, I saw the cheating going on yesterday on this server
that Ronin was watching for dirty words. This dude moved around
methodically from person to person, somehow hitting them on the foot
every damned time. It was impossible. No one has aim like that, do
they?. He managed to kill about half the terrorists before Ronin
booted him for cursing. Hey, I gotta jet now, Ronin's asking me to
help watch for naughty stuff."
Security
Guard - "WHAT THE HELL??!? I was on this FF server and some guy
kept shooting me in the foot, wherever I went. I tried pulling out
the Almighty Glock of Destruction to beat the crap out of him with
it, but somehow he was sniping me in the foot from a long distance
and then I'd get killed by a terrorist. It pissed me off so much
that I think I'm going to rant on CS-Nation about it...whatever,
I've got to go make another Counter-Crap now.
cliffe &
Gooseman - "Well, I thought we had eliminated all of the
headshot cheats from Beta 6.5, but now I see that the toe-shot
script has taken quite a hold on the community. Goose and I didn't
really didn't believe it existed until that assblaster Mach5 started
using pics of it on the forums. The gore on people's feet was
horrendous. While Gooseman fixes the cheat I'll post some new news
about that sexy Peter North model that's going to replace the old
Seal 6 model. hi rizzah."
