Holy Munitions Supply Promised

The Almighty announced today that he would continue to supply munitions to Counter-Terrorists and Terrorists alike for Beta 7. The decision came shortly after the newly released photos of the "hands of God," modeled by Gooseman.

"Thou shalt not accept inferior weapons," God spaketh. "Thou shalt equip thy Holy Tool of Destruction, the Glock, and lobbeth thy Holy HE Grenade of Antioch at thy foes, blowing them to snibbelets."

His Holiness also said that in order to keep teams fair, he would be teleporting players to the opposing team in case things got a bit unbalanced and granting dead players "a second life" the next round.

Stuck Caps Lock Key Deafens Users

Members of the irc.gamesnet.net channel #counterstrike were temporarily deafened this morning when user GeneticFreak unkowingly left his Caps Lock key on, damamging the hearing mechanisms of many innocent IRCers.

"I still don't understand what's gone wrong here, moron. Look, all I did was accidently hit the key after setting my SoBe Energy drink down next to me on the table, and now you're saying I made a couple dozen people deaf?"

Freak went on to describe how people can't hear what's displayed on a monitor. "Look, it's TEXT ON A SCREEN you incompetent excuse for a journalist! How on earth could I have deafened someone from that?"

Other users had a different side to the story, claiming GeneticFreak's fiasco left them hearing-impared for a short period of time. "My ears are still ringing from this morning," said #counterstrike idler Cheet. "I hope he doesn't do something like that again."

Irritated, GeneticFreak only had one more thing to say. "Um, screw you guys, I'm going to riot in the forums about those sexy new akimbo pistols."

"CS Suggests Drug Use," DARE Says

The popular mod for Half-Life, Counter-Strike, suggests illicit drug use through subtle messages placed in by the mod's creator, claims DARE president Joseph Duncan.

"At a first glance, the popular mod encourages teamplay and coordination in a counter-terrorism environment, but then I began to notice the small details placed in," he stated. "Beneath the surface of these seemingly innocent CS players lies a seedy underworld of drug pressure."

"I don't think I'm influenced by drug use at all," commented player [420]Smoke-A-Stack-O-Stoke during a game on the map cs_methlab. "But you know, if you squint at the bullet casings they kinda look like little joints, except not."

Duncan also claims that Barking Dog Studios had a hand in influencing Counter-Strike players to begin an early life of alcohol abuse. "After beta 5 that 'Pop Dog' logo was everywhere. If you look closely you'll notice their horrible drawing of a dog and the bubbles coming out of its mouth. I believe that this suggests heavy alcohol usage."

The new player hand models, Duncan suggested, are direct evidence that CS is propagating the gaming community with drug-laced messages.

"If you take a look at the purple, bulbous veins on the new arms, you can definitely see the evidence of 'track marks' by rampant heroin needle punctures," Duncan said. "These people behind this mod are definitely sick, sick individuals."

Duncan concluded with a peek into DARE's future. "In response, DARE has also planned a vigorous advertisement campaign aimed at Counter-Strike players. We have made billboards that read, 'drugz can 0wn jo0!!!' and 'be l33t, stay off da smack.' We hope that this will combat these harmful subtle messages."