Warezed Version of CS Threatens Users

Digital piracy is a constant headache for software corporations and beginning programmers alike, but this week it hit a new low as the popular, free-to-download mod for Half-Life, Counter-Strike, was warezed by the feared cracking group ZeroCool Hackerz Inc.

"I don't get why they struck us," mod leader Cliffe said as he scratched his head. "I mean the mod is FREE in the first place, but now it's being placed in the "GaMeZ" directories of hundreds of pirating servers."

ZeroCool Hackerz, who pride themselves in an average member age of 13, said the decision to pirate CS was unanimous. Their webpage also stated that they were trying their best to "kEEp iT fReE," though the twenty pop-up banners upon loading the page reflected otherwise.

New Tanning Mode Announced

In the line of famous CS scenarios such as hostage rescue and bomb defusion, the CS team has announced the addition of new tanning maps, where each side will compete to get the most sun.

Northern Terrorist Arctic Joe protested the scenario, claiming his recent bout of heat exhaustion on de_dust would leave him unable to compete on an even level against opponents. However, teammates of the L337 Krew have already began practice for the new maps, recent photo surveillance shows.

Many CS players, suffering from skinny legs, aching wrists, and a lack of sexual activity also said they this would allow them to say they "get outside more" and "grab more chicks."

WD40 Signs Deal With CS

Barry Lankins, a spokesperson from WD40™ announced that the company will be increasing production of their lubricating wonder by 500%. Lankins was quoted at a recent press conference held to announce the decision.

"We're just here to fulfill the noisy problems numerous Counter-Terrorists, Terrorists, and hostages have addressed. Our phones are ringing off the hook, our mailrooms are overflowing with letters, and sales of WD40™ have quadrupled.

Veteran player AssmasterPlus justified the merger:

"I've had it with those [expletive] hinges! I work DAY AND NIGHT trying to get a piece of that oh-so-sweet hostage ass, only to be discovered and slaughtered, all thanks to noisy door-hinges.

"The lack of proper lubrication on the hinges is not conducive to a proper hostage rescue mission. Even worse, hostages, often in a state of shock, sometimes open and close the doors at a very rapid pace at a deafening 140 decibels. It's not uncommon for human heads to explode into a shower of gibs during the bombardment of hinge squeaking."