Spelling Mistake Pointed Out on CS Forums

Tragic events followed a novice forum user today, when he accidentally misspelled a word on his second post to the famed Counter-Strike Fourms. The unfortunate error was caught by the former forum moderator and insomniac Mach5. Pointing out his spelling mistake on the word "engine," which Johnny_Rotten wrote mistakenly as "enhine," Mach5 was thrown into a fury of slander.

"Once someone points out a spelling mistake your forum career is just about over," commented Keyser-Soze :D, who suffered a similar fate in the great forum outlash of Beta 6.

Keyser stated his pathetic state of mind was a result of his own egregious error, forcing him to carry a new handle with only 742 posts credited to it. Keyser-Soze said this as he nervously eyed a pack of razor blades resting on the table.

"I didn't deserve it man, I didn't deserve it," a disheartened Johnny_Rotten said. "You don't know what it's like. I join a server and the admin bans me. There's a damn price on my head. All I wanted to do was comment about Beta 7."

"I knew what he was going to do," claimed one forum moderator. "You don't f00k with Mach5."

New Knife Increases Suicide Rate

Statistics show that the introduction of the Ginsu(tm) knife into Counter-Strike has rapidly increased suicide rates by players. Farewell letters from the self-inflicting victims seem all too alike; most mention that the new knife offers "a less painful abdominal entrance" and "slides in real smooth."

Clan member [uP]Cockman's suicide note reads similar to the others: "KN1FE with rubbOr gr1p and SMOOTH EDGE OMFG... ME GO BYE-BYE NOW"

Autopsies of the players have revealed two usual death scenarios: either repetitive, short slashes across the chest, or a powerful thrust-and-rip into the facial region. Many deaths could have been avoided, authorities say, if users just turned the knife around.

Analysts suggest the company's slogan, "Ginsu(tm) has a knife for everything," has a deeper connection with the deaths.

De_aztec Lighting Baffles Archeologists

The Aztec Indians, who dominated central Mexico in the time of Spanish Conquest, have always been looked back on as one of the most technologically advanced cultures in history. However, recent developments suggest that these people possessed the technology the rest of the world would not encounter for centuries to come. To be blunt, Ben Franklin did not invent electricity.

Historians and archeologists are baffled as to how Aztec people harnessed the power of florescent lighting hundreds of years in advance. A gathering of top experts declared yesterday that they have "no clue" as to what the source of this profound discovery might be.

Dr. Ethan Mazur, archeologist, spoke about the recent happenings. "In addition to finding the source of the florescent lighting, we are also trying to find out how the Aztecs bypassed traditional incandescent lighting and went straight to florescent. It's mind boggling."

Dr. Mazur also said that because of the lack of cords or visible wiring, his team is trying to find the power source for the lighting. Wireless energy, as inconceivable as it may be, might have been an everyday rite for these jungle people.

"The Aztecs also have channeled local lightning storms into small, red, circular ritual marks on the ground. We believe this might be a source of energy," he commented. "The bulbs have been running for hundreds of years, and they still work. In addition to an advanced counting system and a sophisticated time table, I guess we can add 'florescent lighting' to their list of discoveries."