CS To Be Ported To GameBoy
Today the Counter-Strike team released a striking new message
concerning the future development of Counter-Strike, a highly
popular multiplayer modification for Half-Life. The game will be
ported to Nintendo's GameBoy console.
"We've decided to port CS to the GameBoy given the amount of
detail we will be able to work with," said Cliffe, public relations
leader for Counter-Strike. "The GameBoy engine has superior netcode,
a better interface, less confusing controls, and awesome rendering
speed. You just can't deny that the GameBoy is the console of the
future."
The decision came shortly after the CS team's release of Beta
6.5, the latest in upgrades of gameplay to the modification. Many
players complained about the new release, claiming the new netcode
was unbalanced and the newly implemented smoke grenade caused
precious framerates to drop.
"By porting to the GameBoy, we eliminate the possibility of
incompatibilites between different computers," Cliffe remarked. "We
also eliminate the possibility of further beta releases, but we've
decided it's all for the better.
"Now CS players can play against each other anywhere! By using
that fruity little link cord, they can hook their GameBoys together
and have a frag-fest! Clan LANs will have a whole new meaning, as
players can duke it out physically if they think that their death
'was a bunch of BS.'"
By porting to the GameBoy, the CS team has avoided the highly
anticipated Team Fortress 2 engine. Cliffe said that he just didn't
want to deal with the "jaggies" and "crap netcode."
Many players are concerned about the new controls for
Counter-Strike GameBoy. Currently the GameBoy sports a slick
4-direction plastic control pad and two buttons labeled "A" and "B."
Hardcore CS players, such as the [UGP] clan, say that they'll never
play this game again once it makes it to the GameBoy.
"Man, that's a bunch of crap," [UGP] member SirScoots said. "They
expect us to play like we did before on a LCD screen with 4 colors?
Don't even get me started about the controls, either. They've really
[expletive] something up this time by telling us to play CS with two
buttons and a 4-way pad. How in the hell am I going to jump and fire
at the same time?"
"I know a lot of people are concerned about the controls for the
new CS GameBoy," Cliffe told CSNE later. "But we've also decided to
remove the jump, crouch, walk, flashlight, and many other features.
Trust me, in the long run this makes the game move a lot faster and
makes it more exciting to play!
"We've also converted all the sounds to the GameBoy's audio
system, and let me tell you - if you thought Pokémon's audio effects
were something else, wait until you hear the new HE grenade blast!
It's buckwild!" Cliffe exclaimed.
Leaked reviews from beta testers say that the new maps in GameBoy
CS are something to be seen. DaveJ's wildly popular de_dust has been
downsized into a one-room frag-fest. "There's no more gameplay, it's
just run and shoot," beta tester Cheet said. "There's no more
assassination, hostage rescue, escape, or defusion anymore. In
de_dust I spawned right next to a CT and promply blew his head off.
I tried to find a bomb spot, but it didn't really matter, as the
rest of my teammates were involved in fighting over who's GameBoy
case color is the most homosexual."
"Yeah, we've downsized all the maps into one-room textured boxes.
We think that this will take the FPS genre to a new level," Cliffe
said. "I'm highly anticipating this new version of Counter-Strike,
and I hope the fans are too." | 
